Romanov sisters
Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia
Biography
Poor Alexandra Fyodorovna! In 1896 she planned a little informal entertaining for the winter which would help her to know more of St. Petersburg society, but unfortunatelly she couldn´t hold on to the plan. She was pregnant for the second time and she wasn´t well. She had to lie up for months, and spent seven weeks in bed. When she was up she suffered from sciatica, and had to be wheeled about in a chair. When she felt the labour pains on 29th May (June 10 according to the new calendar) 1897, she was even more anxious than the last time. As much as she loved her delightful 18 monts old baby-daughter Olga, she was hoping for a son. Everyone demanded it. Her relatives, the tradition, Russia... only her husband seemed to be oblivious to his next child´s gendre. It is said that he and the doctors had a secret sign, that would let the Tsar know if the girl was born, without telling the exhausted Empress anything before she recovered a little. What sign it was we don´t know, but it was certainly needed, because even the second child of the young Imperial couple turned out to be a daughter.
It happened at The Farm at Alexandria Park, Peterhof. Nicolas wrote into his diary: „The second bright happy day in our family: at 10:40 in the morning the Lord blessed us with a daughter - Tatiana. Poor Alix suffered all night without shutting her eyes for a moment, and at 8 o'clock went downstairs to Amama's bedroom. Thank God this time it all went quickly and safely, and I did not feel nervously exhausted. Towards one o'clock the little one was bathed and Yanyshev read some prayers. Mama arrived with Xenia; we lunched together. At 4 o'clock there was a Te Deum. Tatiana weighs 83/4 pounds and is 54 centimetres long. Our eldest is very funny with her. Read and wrote telegrams.."
Grand Duke Konstantin Konstantinovich summed up the reactions in his diary: „Just before the officers' luncheon, I was informed by telephone from town that their Majesties had been blessed that morning with a daughter. The news soon spread, everyone was disappointed as they had been hoping for a son.“
In Grand Duchess Xenia´s diary we can read: „The birth of Tatiana Nik! At about 11 o'clock Mama received a telegram from Nicky to say that labour had begun during the night! Mama immediately started getting ready to leave, when another telegram announced the birth of a daughter. Mama's emotion was intense. Thank God everything went safely, and both are well. From the station we went straight to the farm. Nicky and Alix are both delighted and happy that it all went well! The dear little thing weighs 8¾ pounds, Alix looks very well.“
Several days later she also wrote: „At about 5 o'clock Sandroshka (Sandro) and I went to the Alexander Palace. Nicky wasn't back from his walk, so I went in to Alix, who was feeding the baby. She looks wonderful. The little one is such a darling, and looks just like her mother! Her mouth is tiny and very beautiful.“
The girl was named Tatiana. Though popular name among Russian people, it wasn´t very common within the Imperial family. It´s origin is Latin and it means „daughter of the family of Tatia“. Tsar often joked about having Olga and Tatiana, since those were sisters from very famous Russian novel Eugen Onegin by Alexander Pushkin. It is possible the girl´s name was chosen from this particular reason.
The little girl was christened on 8th June (old style) in the Church of St. Peter and Paul at the main palace at Peterhof. Her godparents were the Dowager Empress Maria Fyodorovna, King Christian IX. of Denmark, the Duchess of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha Maria Alexandrovna, Grand Duke Georgiy Alexandrovich, Grand Duke Michael Nikolaevich, Grand Duchess Xenia Alexandrovna, future George V. of England and princess Victoria of Battenberg.
Unlike Olga, whom some had found an ugly baby, Tatiana was a pretty little creature from the very beggining. When she was 6 months old, Nicolas wrote to his mother: “Tatiana seems to us, understandably, a very beautiful child, her eyes have become large and dark.” In this same letter he also writes that Tatiana is “always happy and only cries once a day without fail, after her bath when they feed her”. Even Margaret Eagar admired little girlie´s beauty. “The Grand Duchess Tatiana was a year and a half; a very pretty child, remarkably like her mother, but delicate in appearance.“
Tatiana and Olga were practically inseparable. They loved each other dearly since the earliest age. In 1901 Olga had typhoid fever. Everybody though that cooler air would do her good and so the party went to Peterhof, but there she was so very ill that she had to be put to bed at once. She lay there through five long weeks. When she recovered a bit, she very much longed to see Tatiana, and was very pleased when the doctor said Tatiana might pay her a visit for five minutes. The younger girl was brought in. All the time Tatiana stood by the side of the bed and conversed in a most amiable manner to the sick sister, and after five minutes were over, the nurse led her out of the room and to the nursery again. As soon as they went out, Tatiana exclaimed: „You told me you were bringing me to see Olga and I have not seen her." The nurse told her that the little girl in bed was her sister. But Tatiana burst into tears. „That little pale thin child is my dear sister Olga! Oh no, no! I cannot believe it!“ She wept bitterly at the change, and it was very difficult to persuade her that Olga would soon be herself again.
As a little child Tatiana was merry and happy and enjoyed all the little things that childhood is made of. Once Olga picked up a little dead bird which had fallen on the grass and claimed: „I will keep this poor little bird forever.“
The governess did not interfere but watched Olga carry it, followed by Tatiana who was sympathetically interested. The governess wondered how long the children would carry the bird before getting tired of it. A bit later Olga said: „Perhaps I am doing wrong to take this little bird away because even at this moment, God may have sent an angel for the bird and what if it is not there. I am going to put it back." She retraced her steps to the spot where she had found it. The next day the girls were going to the beach again and they took the same path as on the previous day in order to look for the bird. When they arrived at the spot where Olga had replaced it, the bird was gone.
"Suppose we had taken it away!" said Olga, "Then God's angel could not have found it!"
"Oh," replied Tatiana, "I think it would have been perfectly lovely if He had taken it out of our hands!"
She liked her cousin, Princess Elisabet of Hesse, very much. Once in Darmstadt they (Olga, Tatiana and Ella) were riding horses in the riding-school. Ella mounted on a great white horse and her cousins on little ponies. As the little ones – Maria and Anastasia, couldn´t ride on their own, Ella would take them before her on the saddle, and give them a ride round the school.
„One day she and Tatiana were wonderfully busy and mysterious, running in and out of the rooms, and exploding into laughter every now and then,“ wrote Margaret Eagar. „In the evening after they were in bed Tatiana took from under her pillow a little box which dear cousin Ella had prepared for her. This contained some little coloured stones which they had picked out of the gravel the day before, some bits of matches, luminous ends, of course, the sand-paper off a match-box and some tissue paper. This was a toy which they had prepared. After Tatiana was in bed, if she felt lonely she was to sit up in bed, light a match upon the sand-paper, set fire to the tissue paper, and by its light to play with the stones. Well, of course, that could not be allowed, and the poor little Princess was overwhelmed when I explained to her that they might all have been burned in their beds.“
Another time the Prince of Siam came to visit the Empress, and the children were in the room. He was dressed in Russian uniform, and looked about him with the bright, interested expression. The little Grand Duchesses ran forward and examined him with deep interest, walking slowly round him, and regarding him with beaming smiles of amusement. Alexandra then said to Tatiana: „Come, shake hands with this gentleman, Tatiana.“ The girl laughed and said: „That is not a gentleman, Mama; that's only a monkey!“ The Empress was very embarrased by her daughter´s statement and said: „You are a monkey yourself, Tatiana!“ The Prince was greatly amused and laughed heartily. He became quite a good friends to the girls afterwards.
Tatiana was according to many „real daughter of the Tsar“. There was something in her air that never let people forget who she was. She enjoyed little parties and later also danced on several great balls. Her first party took place when she was only two and a half years old. On the top of the staircase little Imperial daughters were welcomed by Maria Pavlovna and her brother Dmitri, who held the party, and their nurse. Only a few days after that Imperial children had such party too and little Tatiana as frantically anxious to be dressed and ready. She would hardly stand still have to sash tied. „When we went to Marie's house she and Dmitri were waiting for us at the head of the stairs, and I know it must be right for us to wait for them,“ she explained her anxiousness. And really – while Olga and Maria would content themselves with amusing one or two visitors at their parties, Tatiana would copy the adult hostesses she had seen and try to look after everyone.
Except later for Anastasia, Tatiana always resembled her mother most of the siblings. She had truly exotic, somewhat Eastern features with widely spaced eyes and auburn hair. She grew up to be even taller than Alexandra, but because she was very slim and delicate her height was not so remarkable. She could bear herself in a very regal and feminine way. She had regular features, „recalling pictures of ancestresses who had been famous beauties“. Lily Dehn wrote that „she had dark hair, a rather pale complexion, and wide-apart, light-brown eyes, that gave her a poetic far-away look, not quite in keeping with her character.“
Even Pierre Giliard could notice Tatiana´s remarkable beauty while she was still a child. „The second girl, Tatiana, was eight and a half. She had auburn hair and was prettier than her sister, but gave one the impression of being less transparent, frank, and spontaneous....“
Tatiana was also very much like her mother in the question of character, but was less stubborn and more reasonable. Gilliard: „Tatiana Nikolaevna was rather reserved, essentially well-balanced, and had a will of her own, though she was less frank and spontaneous than her elder sister. She was not so gifted, either, but this inferiority was compensated by more perseverance and balance. She was very pretty, though she had not quite Olga Nikolaevna's charm. If the Tsarina made any difference between her children, Tatiana Nikolaevna was her favorite. It was not that her sisters loved their mother any less, but Tatiana knew how to surround her with unwearying attentions and never gave way to her own capricious impulses. Through her good looks and her art of self-assertion she put her sister in the shade in public, as the latter, thoughtless about herself, seemed to take a back seat.“
It was true that Alexandra, though she was trying not to show it, prefered her second daughter to the rest of her sisters. It was not she loved the other three less, but Tatiana was like her soulmate, always understanding. Once she wrote to Nicolas, that Tatiana was indeed the only one of her daughters who seemed to „grasp it” when she explained her way of looking at things.
Lily Dehn remembered Tatiana being „as charming as her sister Olga, but in a different way. She has been described as proud, but I never knew anyone less so. With her, as with her mother, shyness and reserve were accounted as pride, but, once you knew her and had gained her affection, this reserve disappeared, and the real Tatiana became apparent. She was a poetical creature, always yearning for the ideal, and dreaming of great friendships which might be hers. The Emperor loved her devotedly, they had much in common, and the sisters used to laugh, and say that, if a favour were required, "Tatiana must ask Papa to grant it." She was very tall, and excessively thin, with a cameolike profile, deep blue eyes, and dark chestnut hair... a lovely Rose maiden, fragile and pure as a flower.“
Though perhaps frail in her apperance, Tatiana was nicknamed „the Governess“ within the family. She constantly looked after her younger siblings and even Olga, and would often instruct them what to do. As she grew older she also took care of her mother´s every need, and was a constant help to the household, always helping in arranging official duties so they would not clash with any private engagements. Unlike her sisters she was practical and didn´t like to argue. Maybe even for these qualities Anna Vyrubova´s sister chose her as a godmother of her first baby, and also named the girl after the Grand Duchess.
According to Sophie Buxhoeveden Tatiana´s character was „a mixture of exactness, thoroughness and perseverance, with leanings towards poetic and abstract ideas. She was closest in sympathy to her mother, and was the definite favorite of both her parents. She was completely unselfish, always ready to give up her own plans to go for a walk with her father, to read to her mother, to do anything that was wanted... She had a less strong character than Olga Nikolaevna, whose lead she would always follow, but she could make up her mind in an emergency quicker than her elder sister, and never lost her head.“
Tatiana´s strong sense of duty and deep love for her family never let the girl complain about quite hard task of taking her mother´s place by her sick brother´s bedside for hours. Following the doctor´s directions she was constantly distracting Alexei and could play with him for hours, keeping the boy in a good mood.
But Tatiana was also very human. She loved to dress and was keen of latest fashion. Thanks to her slender figure and natural ellegance she looked great in every frock, no matter how old it was. That she inherited from her grandmother dowager Empress Maria rather from her mother. Her beauty together with natural friendliness made her very popular among society and public. Unintentionally she put her elder sister Olga into shade because she undertook more that her share of public appearances. She always wanted to say pleasant things to other people and took more trouble about them than Olga did. Still she was quite shy and never felt at ease when someone adressed her with her full title. When Sophie Buxhoeveden once turned to her as to „Your Imperial Highness,“ she looked at her with astonishment, and when Sophie sat down again beside her, she was rewarded by a violent kick under the table and a whispered: „Are you crazy to speak to me like that ?“ Since she and her sisters were called by their first and patronymic name in household, Tatiana thought it absurdly formal to be given her full title. The Empress had to persude her that on official occasions it was simply necessary.
What Tatiana desired probably most were friends. True and loyal as she herself could be. But no young girls were ever asked to come to the Palace and also security reasons made making new friendships next to impossible. Besides people as if could never for a minute forget who she was – her own shyness, although not so great as her mother´s – was another factor. Tatiana spent most of her time with her sisters and her mother´s ladies-in-waiting. The girls were also very fond of the people who took care of them, one of them being naturally their nurse Margaret Eagar. One day Tatiana was being made ready to go out and Miss Eagar went to get her coat. But when she returned, she saw the other nurse shaking the girl. „How dare you shake Tatiana?“ Eagar exclaimed. „You are paid to take care of her, not to correct her!“ The child turned her eyes to her and asked, obviously surprised: „She is paid?“ „Yes,“ replied the governess. „She is paid and I, also, am paid.“ Hearing that, little Tatiana put her head on her nurses shoulder and wept bitterly. Miss Eagar was flummoxed. „You have seen me get my money every month,“ she tried to figure out what was actually wrong. But the Grand Duchess stated: „I always thought it was a gift to you!“ A long explanation followed, that it was necessary the governess was paid, as she had no money of her own and her way of earning money was to look after the children. The next morning Miss Eagar awoke and Tatiana was standing by her bed. „May I get into your bed?“ the child pleaded. And as she cuddled down in the arms of the governess she exclaimed: „Anyway, you don't get paid for this.“
There was also another great favourite of the girls, a nurse called Telga. She had come to the palace when she was only 17 years old and was very much attached to children. When she was going to marry, she had to leave the palace as was the tradition and rule. Her last days spent in the palace were full of tears and the Grand Duchesses were very distressed to see her grieve so hard. Tatiana, who didn´t quite understand the situation, told her she could stay ifshe liked, because they all loved her. Then she ran over to Miss Eagar and pleaded her Telga might stay. The governess answered, that she might stay if she liked, but already promised she would marry Vladislav. „The other girls gave a little party to celebrate her leaving us, and the young man was amongst the guests. When the girl heard that he had arrived her grief broke forth again. She realized that the time of parting had come, and the children cried most bitterly. Little Tatiana Nikolaevna took a sheet of paper and a pencil, and wrote with great difficulty a letter which I translate: "Vladislav, Be good with Telga. ~Tatiana." She placed this letter in an envelope, Vladislav, and sent it to him by the housemaid. I went in later to speak to the man and wish him happiness. He pulled this letter out of his pocket, and with tears in his eyes begged me to thank the little Grand Duchesses, and assure her that he would never forget to be good with Telga. All the more, because it was Tatiana Nikolaevna's wish.“
Olga and Tatiana spent a lot of time with Baroness Buxhoeveden, since they didn´t have a lady-in-wating of their own, who years later recalled, that „they were deeply interested in everything I did, and all four invariably came to help me to dress for a ball, somewhat to the consternation of my maid, who felt she could not do justice to my toilette with four lively Grand Duchesses in the room, each giving her own directions. On one occasion they thought my dress needed a parure of rubies to complete it. I said I had none, and that my pearls would have to do. Tatiana Nikolaevna rushed off, and appeared with some brooches of hers which she wanted me to wear. I naturally refused, to her great astonishment. „We sisters always borrow from each other," she said, "when we think the jewels of the one will suit the dress of the other."
As all the royal siblings Tatiana was taking art lessons. She could draw very well and reached a real mastery in playing piano, but her performances, though brilliant, were more of academic nature than real passion for music. If Tatiana excelled in something, it was without a doubt a handy-work of all kind. She was very skilled in sewing and embroidering and often did it to pass her time.
Daughter of family physician Botkin, who by chance was also named Tatiana, remembered her first meeting with the Grand Duchess aboard one of Imperial yachts. She liked them all, but Tatiana impressed her the most. The young girl admired Grand Duchess´ remarkable beauty – and noticed her long, dark hair. She herself had just recovered from typhoid and felt ashamed in front of the Grand Duchess, because her hair had had to be cut off. Tatiana felt sorry for her and wishing to make her happy knitted an ellegant cap for dr. Botkin´s daughter. Little did she know she herself would soon be disposed of her beautiful hair!
During the grand celebrations of Romanov tercentary in 1913 Tatiana drank a contaminated water. Soon she fell ill and the doctor diagnozed a typhoid, which was very serious illness back then and not so rare. Tatiana spent several weeks in bed. Her mother took care of her herself and thanks to her loving care Tatiana was soon healthy again, even though her hair had to be cut short. To hide this Tatiana had to wear a wig during official occasions and photoshoots. Although she wasn´t 16 yet – the age considered as the adulthood – the importance of the occassion demaded her presence on several balls which she attended together with Olga, and according to some they looked very pretty also thanks to the contrast – one being fair, the other dark. Tatiana and her sister were enjoying themselves dancing on a ball given by their grandmother the Dowager Empress so much, that they refused to go home with their mother before midnight and begged their father so hard to stay a bit longer that he gave in and the girls could stay until the early morning hours, before they stepped into the last train heading to Tsarskoe Selo.
Until the official announcement of the first world war in summer 1914 nothing really bothered Tatiana except for sometimes the health of her mother and Alexei, by whom she always stood and did all her best to ease their condition. With her sorrows she sometimes turned to Rasputin – Father Grigory, whom she learned to almost worship, as all her siblings. She was absolutely convinced of his good intentions and also divine powers. Complaining about mother´s illness she once wrote to him:"But you know because you know everything," she wrote. There were other things he said that inspired the young Grand Duchess and she kept some of his saying in her notebook: “Love is Light and it has no end. Love is great suffering. It cannot eat, it cannot sleep. It is mixed with sin in equal parts. And yet it is better to love. In love one can be mistaken, and through suffering he expiates for his mistakes. If love is strong -- the lovers happy. Nature herself and the Lord give them happiness. One must ask the Lord that he teach to love the luminous, bright, so that love be not torment, but joy. Love pure, Love luminous is the Sun. The Sun makes us warm, and Love caresses. All is in Love, and even a bullet cannot strike Love down.“
Like all her family Tatiana was very religious and it became one of her chief characteristics. She liked to read religious books and often could be found reading aloud from Bible to her mother or siblings. She spent a lot of time thinking about mortal and eternal life, about the part of good and evil in the world. She summed up her view on things in famous “One has to struggle much because the return for good is evil, and evil reigns.” But even though many said she was the most religious of her sisters, her tutor Sydney Gibbes claimed that she felt religion more of a duty than something she would feel truly deeply in her heart.
In 1911 Tatiana was named an honorary colonel in chief to 8th Voznesensky Uhlan regiment. She enjoyed this new position very much and was incredibly happy when she and Olga could be present during the inspections of the regiments, riding horses in their own fine uniforms. But the same year, in autumn, Tatiana was to be faced with death and violance for the first time. Tsar Nicholas took his elder daughters with him to the Kiev Opera house. But during the performace the prime minister Pyotr Stolypin was shot by an assassin. He managed to get up and make a sign of a cross in the direction of the Tsar and his daughters, but his wound proved fatal and he died few days later. Both girls were terrified and Tatiana was in a great shock. She sobbed very hard and had a very troubled night.
On the day of the declaration of war in August 1914 Tatiana was present with her family in Petersburg. It was one of the last occassions for her to shine in public in a long time. With her mother and Olga, Tatiana decided to undergo lessons which would enable her to become a nurse. She really proved herself to be an excellent nurse. Except for wanting to help Tatiana was also interested in all the medical bussiness from biological point of view. By nature she was much toughter than her elder sister and so she was allowed to assist even during the very serious operations. She even complained that she was not allowed to take part in tending the worst of the injuries. With her mother and eldersister Tatiana paid several visits to the Red Cross establishments in the towns of Western and 
Central Russia. To help their exhausted mother the two Grand Duchesses replaced her as much as they could. Every week they went to Petrograd, Tatiana presided at sittings of her Refugee Committee, and Olga received donations for her soldiers' families at the Winter Palace. Afterwards they would wind up the afternoon by going to the different hospitals in Petrograd. The Grand Duchesses even represented their mother at the opening of the British Red Cross Hospital, going with their grandmother, the Dowager-Empress. Not even during the visits to Mogilev, where the Tsar spent a lot of time as the Commander-in-chief to Russian army, Tatiana wasn´t idle. Large supplies of clothes for refugees were always taken on these journeys and she would distribute those.
Valentina Chebotareva, who worked with her at the hospital, described how she planned to boil silk and didn´t want to ask the Grand Duchess. Little did she know about Tatiana´s sense of duty and willingness to be of any use. "Why can you breathe carbolin acid and I can't?" she asked simply when Valentina wanted to refuse. Other time the shy Grand Duchess reached out to hold her hand, seeking a comfort, because she was nervous about walking in front of a large group of nurses. “I´m so terribly embarassed and frightened,” she was whispering. “I do not know whom I greeted and whom not!” Such behaviour gained Tatiana fondness of Chabotareva, who remembered only as “sweet” and in time learned to love her almost as her own daughter. The informality that afterwards reigned between them was almost touching – and once caused a moment of uneasiness to the Grand Duchess.
Chebotareva´s son Grigory called by the phone to his mother and first person to talk to him was Tatiana. Used to common manners among friends she adressed him with a nickname “Grisha”. Not knowing whom he was talking to the affronted Gregory asked the girl to identify herself and she replied: “Tatiana Nikolaevna.” The simple name didn´t tell him much so he asked again. Realizing what he must have been thinking, but still reluctant to use the official title, she laughed and explained she was “Sister Romanova the Second.”
It was also Chabotareva, who explained how to use money to Tatiana and Olga, after they found out they didn´t know that while visiting a small shop in Tsarskoe Selo. When Tatiana later wrote to Chebotareva from Toblsk, Grigory would note her handwriting was “firm, energetic” and “reflected the nature which endeared her so much to my mother.”
Seeing both her her mother´s dedication to war work and great troubles of thousands of refugees pouring into Russia Tatiana decided to do even more. She formed a commitee dedicated to help the poor refugees. She took upon herself a task of collecting clothes, food and other neccessary things. Sophie Buyhoeveden described her efforts: The "Refugee Committee " which had been formed by the Grand Duchess Tatiana became almost a department of State. The Committee was directed by Alexei Borrissovich Neidhard, a member of the Conseil de I'Empire, while members of the Duma, of the Conseil de l'Empire, and of the Union of Towns and Zemstvos belonged to it. The young Grand Duchess took the greatest interest in it and, young though she was, had quantities of papers sent her every day, which she went over with her mother's help, making notes and writing her decisions. The housing, feeding and general welfare of refugees all over Russia were in the hands of the Committee, the budget of which rose rapidly to several millions of roubles. The money was at first raised by private subscriptions, but the department was eventually financed by the Government. This Committee continued to work after the Revolution of 1917 under the Kerensky Government.“
It is really surprising that – considering the beautiful Grand Duchess was the second elest daughter of the Tsar – nobody ever asked officially for her hand. Not that she mattered about it. She was perfectly happy within the close family circle. But even though she may could have made an impression of an ice queen, her heart was just as soft and warm as of any young girl. It would seem she was deeply in love at least once.
He was one of the wounded in Tsarskoe Selo hospital and his name was Dmitri Yakovlevich Malama. He was an officer in the Imperial Russian Cavalry and met Tatiana as soon as 1914. A litle later he was appointed an equerry to the court of the Tsar, and therefore could spend some time with the Grand Duchess. He was a handsome 
young man, loyal to the Tsar and thanks to the mutual affection between him and Tatiana he was very devoted to her. Trying to find a way to please her, he gave her a little French bulldog in September 1914. She named it “Ortipo”, but accepting the gift caused her a little trouble. “Forgive me about the little dog,” Tatiana begged her mother in a letter. “To say the truth, when he asked should I like to have it if he gave it to me, I at once said yes. You remember, I always wanted to have one, and only afterwards when we came home I thought that suddenly you might not like me having one. But I really was so pleased at the idea that I forgot about everything.” The dog died, but Malama without hesitation gave her another one. This puppy was Tatiana´s favourite pet and she allowed it to sleep in her room, no caring about Olga´s protests, who complained the dog snored terribly in the night. Later the dog was taken with the family to captivity and was shot by the guards in Ekaterinburg. Also the Empress Alexandra liked Malama very much and wrote to her husband in March 1916, that he “looks flourishing more of a man now, an adorable boy still. I must say a perfect son in law he would have been -- why are foreign Princes not as nice!” With the last statement she made it perfectly clear, that even though she would never push her daughters into a loveless marriage, she would never approve of them marrying a commoner. After the revolution Malama joined the White army and was killed in August 1919 while commanding a unit of the White Russians fighting the civil war against the Bolsheviks in the
However, Malama was not the only one to gain the affection of the Grand Duchess. Both she and Olga were fond of a soldier Vladimir Kiknadze, whom they took care about in 1915 and again in 1916. Chebotareva described that Tatiana would sometimes sit beside “Volodya” at the piano as he played a tune with one finger and talked to her in a low voice, wearing a mysterious expression on his face. She would often sit on his bed and some nurses were affraid such behaviour could very easily cause gossiping and the girl´s reputation could suffer from it. There were other soldiers taken by Tatiana´s beauty and caring, her devotion to the wounded and they remembered her even a long time after she died.
In February 1917 Tsar went off to Mogilev again and his family stayed in Tsarskoe Selo. A faithful friend – Anna Vyrubova – was staying with them. One day she felt very sick and had to retire to her room. What followed she describes in her book: „An hour later Tatiana came in, sympathetic as usual, but troubled because both Olga and Alexei were in bed with high temperatures and the doctors suspected that they might be coming down with measles. As for me, even after Tatiana had told me that Olga and Alexei were suspected cases, it did not at once occur to me that I was going to be ill. That same day Tatiana fell ill, and now the Empress had four of us on her hands!“
Tatiana was thus even more troubled knowing she was a burden to her mother, when she needed a helping hand. The illness left her temporarily deaf, as she developed abcesses in the ears. With Olga and Alexei she was lying in a dark room and maybe even envied her younger sisters that they could help her beloved Mama. Since their father´s departure one of the Grand Duchesses had always slept with Alexandra. Now, when even Anastasia was ill and Marie exhausted, Tatiana and Olga begged another friend – Lili Dehn, not to leave Mama alone during the night. „Lili, you must not leave Mamma alone. One of us has always slept with her, she´s not strong. Promise, promise us that you won't leave her alone,“ and, when the Empress came to pay her last visit to the sick-room, the Grand Duchesses she gave in for their peace of minds.
When finally she began to recover, she did not know anything about her father abdicating, her mother being under arrest, and herself not being Grand Duchess any more. All the family lived for those days was the return of the Tsar. When finally he was to come, the Empress decided to tell the sick girls the truth. Tatiana was still so deaf that she could not follow her mother's rapid words and her sisters had to write down the details before she could understand. Even though she was probably worried and hurt, she tried to do her best to cheer her mother up talking about her father coming home.
The captivity was a heavy burden for Tatiana, for she was the closest one to her mother and could feel her uneasiness and troubles. Still she was as brave as the others and thanks to her youth accomodated quite quickly to new regime. Used as an Imperial daughter and honorary colonel to discipline and good manners of the soldiers, Tatiana was now shocked by behaviour of their jailers. Once she sat by the window with baroness Buxhoeveden, when they noticed a guard on duty outside. According to the baroness, he obviously felt his duty as a bother and so he „had brought a gilt armchair from the halls and had comfortably ensconced himself therein, leaning back, enjoying the view, with his rifle across his knee. I remarked that the man only wanted cushions to complete the picture. There was evidently telepathy in my eye, for when we looked out again, he had actually got some sofa cushions out of one of the rooms, and, with a footstool under his feet, was reading the papers, his discarded rifle lying on the ground!“
Such things may have had a bitter amusement in them, but the humiliations and fears were present too often. During a warm summer evening Tatiana and baroness Buxhoeveden were sitting on the window-sill the second floor, reading aloud and trying to get a little air, when suddenly a voice called: „Take away your mugs (roja), or I shall fire.“ Grand Duchess looked out in surprise, and saw the sentry pointing his rifle at her, shouting furiously „Don't you know that you must shut the window ?“ „But it is always allowed,“ protested the baroness, „it is so stifling.“
„Obey orders!" he shouted, „or I shall fire.“
The two women closed the window in fear he would indeed use his weapon.
Tatiana was the first one to recover from the measels. It was around that time Kerensky gave a temporary order for keeping the Imperial couple apart. They could only meet at meals and talk only in Russian about common things in a presence of a soldier. The Empress filled her days with taking care of the sick children, and Tatiana took upon her the task to cheer up her father. Every evening she would come to him and made him company. Usually she did some needlework while he read and both found in these meetings a great comfort.
After the transfer to Tobolsk Tatiana began to take her first serious German lessons – Alexandra herself taught her daughter. According to Gibbes Tatiana in captivity grew razor thin and was haughtier than ever. More and more she began to withdrew into herself, as if following an example of her mother. To Anna Vyrubova she wrote, describing life at Tobolsk:
„December 9th
My darling: I often think and pray for you, and we are always remembering and speaking of you. It is hard that we cannot see each other, but God will surely help us, and we will meet again in better times. We wear the frocks your kind friends sent us, and your little gifts are always with us, reminding us of you. We live quietly and peacefully. The days pass quickly. In the morning we have lessons, walk from eleven to twelve before the house in a place surrounded for us by a high board fence. We lunch together downstairs, sometimes Mama and Alexei with us, but generally they lunch upstairs alone in Papa's study. In the afternoon we go out again for half an hour if it is not too cold. Tea upstairs, and then we read or write. Sometimes Papa reads aloud, and so goes by every day. On Saturdays we have evening service in the big hall at nine o'clock. Until that hour the priest has to serve in the church. On Sundays, when we are allowed, we go to a near-by church at eight o'clock in the morning. We go on foot through a garden, the soldiers who came here with us standing all around. They serve mass for us separately, and then have a mass for everybody. On holidays, alas, we have to have small service at home. We had to have home service on the 6th (St. Nicholas' day), and it was sad on such a big holiday not to be in church, but one can't have everything one wants, can one? I hope you at least can go to church. How are your heart and your poor legs? Do you see the doctor of your hospital? You remember how we used to tease you. Greetings to your old servants. Where are your brother and his wife? Have they got a baby? God bless you, my darling beloved. All our letters (permitted letters) go through the Kommissar. I am glad that the parents of Eristoff are kind to you. Him I remember well, but I never saw the parents. Isa has not come yet. Has she been to see you? I kiss you tenderly and love you.
Your T.“
Then spring of 1917 came and commisarry Yakovlev came to take the Tsar away. During the long agonizing moments the ex-Tsarina couldn´t stand to be alone and so she asked her Tatiana – the one with understanding for everything – to be with her. The Empress was pacing the room absolutely hopeless, she was standing in front of a most heart-breaking decision in her life: to accompany her husband or to stay with her son? Tatiana suffered to see her in such a state of great agony and it was her pleading „But mother, if father has to go, whatever we say, something must be decided ... You cannot go on tormenting yourself like this!“ which finally made Alexandra to go with Nicholas.
Tatiana was left behind in Tobolsk with Olga and Anastasia, and even more felt the heavy burden of responsibility. Her mother relied onto her to take care of her little brother, and she was determined not to fail her. As the most level-headed one she became the true leader of her siblings. Perhaps never before was her nickname „Governess“ as fitting as at that time.
After the trying journey from Tobolsk to Ekaterinburg tatiana started the last period of her life. Pierre Gilliard later recalled his last sight of her, after she and her siblings got out of the train: "Tatiana Nikolaevna came last carrying her little dog and strugglig to drag a heavy brown valise. It was raining and I saw her feet sink into the mud at every step. Nagoorny tried to come to her assistance, he was roughly pushed back by one of the commisars..."
She was still playing her dutiful role. It was her, who was usually sent to the Commander of the house to ask for little favours. The long months wearied her body and soul, and to some of the guards she seemed proud and arrogant, but that probably came from her utter horror of vocabulary of the guards. Once after hearing such shameful words she left the room “pale as death”. Still others recalled, that she smiled agreeably, when encountered decent and correct guards. Usually she spent her days with her mother. On 16th July she was reading aloud from the Bible, later would have a long conversation with Alexandra.
Aged only twenty one, she would not live long enough to see the sunrise of 17th July 1918. Still the memory of the beautiful and determined young woman stays with us. We can see her mirror image in the lines she noted down into her notebook:
"God's Blessing And His Words Upon Us.
Why, seeing an orthodox cemetery, do we begin to feel dull at heart?
Because life on earth is bustle, we've never striven against the desires,
We've served our flesh and have cared for idle comfort, in spite and slander.
And why, standing by the shrine of pious people, do we feel contented?
Because their life was sacrifice; as Christ suffered and after His suffering
There was Easter.
Thus a pious person endures spite and persecution."
