17th July, 1918, Ekaterinburg
One, two, three,
Four maidens in heavy skirts set their feet on creaky stairs. Woken up in the middle of the night, obeying their mother´s silent oreder, they had dressed into their special clothes. Rubies and pearls and emeralds were sewn into them, so no one could discover them.
four, five, six,
They could see darkened shapes of Mamma´s wearied back, of Papa carrying their sick younger brother in his arms. Behind the girls walked dear doctor Botkin, faithful vallet, funny cook and Anna, who once was making up their beds in airy rooms of Alexander palace. And down, down they went.
seven, eight, nine,
Strange thoughts were coming through pale-faced Olga´s head. Memories of childhood, and laughter, and of wind high in the trees in Livadia, when all was bathing in the sunlight. For some reason she couldn´t think of future.
ten, eleven, twelve,
Red glints were dancing in Tatiana´s auburn hair as she passed a dim light on the stairs. She clutched a jewel-filled pillow to her breasts, as slight alarm invaded her soul. She started to pray silently, to calm herself.
thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,
Daydreaming as always Maria tripped slightly, but fortunatelly didn´t fall. She blushed and smiled to a soldier they were just passing, but for the first time of her life that smile was rewarded by a stone face and freezing silence. Only truck motor in the yard was singing its monotonous song. Maria suddenly felt cold.
sixteen, seventeen, eighteen,
Anastasia blinked her sleepy eyes and unsuccessfully tried to hide a yawn. Her little dog was whinning softly, putting his wet nose to her warm neck. She grinned when she saw Maria before her trip, but in the next moment she did also.
nineteen, twenty, twenty-one,
twenty two, twenty three,
They´ve never been the that cellar room before. It was empty and quiet. And then, then it was suddenly crowded. Outside the closed door only silence was heard for a moment.
Then mad music of gunshots.
And screams, that turned from surprised to terrified and agonizingly painful.
Then moaning and sobbing and gunshots again.
And deaf hits of bayonets.
And then – nothing.
Up the stairs they were dragged, limp forms, bloddied bodies.
And moon standing high in the sky poured his silver over pale faces, oh, such beautiful faces they were - even in death!
The Emperor, the Empress, the Tsarevich.
The four Grand Duchesses.
The girl held her breath, when she heard the steps, and was trying to ignore a buzzing fly, that was stubbornly tangling into her hair. Hidden behind a long red velvet curtain she couldn´t see what was going on in the room, and so she was listening to every sound very carefully. The steps were too heavy to belong to her older sister, and they were soon gone.
The girl breathed again freely. She heard a far-away whoop, singling that someone had just lost in this hide-and-seek. Then there was another moment, when the curtain moved a little and small fingers gasped her skirt.
Marie breathed with incredible relief, when she saw the fingers didn´t belong to anyone else than Anastasia.
„Tatia found Olya,“ whispered loudly the little girl with reddish hair. „Ella´s trouble. She´s in the fireplace.“
Marie – much against her will – had to smile.
But suddenly the curtain moved again and she looked into Tatiana´s slightly slanting eyes, as well as into Olga´s blue ones: Olga, knowing she couldn´t win this game anymore, had ganged up with Tatiana.
Nastasya with a cry threw herself against them, giving Maria a chance to escape. Mashka didn´t hesitate.
They were running across the room, screaming and whooping. Four white skirts and one that was black – Ella, leaving her hiding spot in the fireplace, joined the new game. Her face was because of dirt almost as black as her shining raven hair.
She was lying on her side in a soft bed, little knees almost under her chin. The lamp had gone out a long time ago and the golden glints it had been drawing to her hair were gone as well.
But huge grey-blue eyes were wide-opened and slowly filling with fear. She´d never been affraid of dark, but tonight she sensed some hidden menace. She had been thinking about poor Ella, who´d been so very sick, the doctor had to be at her side through days and nights. And then it was there.
Something had to be out there. Something was waiting, threatening to harm her, if she would only move. The panic in her was growing as she silently stared into the darkness, and it couldn´t be soothed not even by Nastya´s regular breathing. Then she couldn´t go on any longer and called in a trembling voice: „Nastya!“
The smaller girl – always being a light-sleeper – opened her eyes and blinked several times. Marie summoned all her courage. She threw away the blanket and got into the second bed, where she pressed her little body to even smaller sister.
„Something´s going on,“ she whispered into her ear.
„What?“
„I don´t know,“ said Marie and loked around the room one more time.
Nastya looked upon her sister´s face and didn´t understand, why it was suddenly even paler than before. Horrified eyes, even larger than usual, were fixed on something. Anastasia looked the same way.
And the room was suddenly filled with her screams. She pressed herself more tighter to older sister, who unlike her, was stiff and frozen.
It was like a nightmare, when darkness takes a solid form. Just a step away from the bed there stood a man. He had no face or it wasn´t to be seen. His body seemed weary and t was like all warmth was down away by his presence.
He made a step forward.
Maria´s horror reached it´s peak. Anastasia´s frightened sobs were drowned in Maria´s scream, which would no one expect from a little girl. The scream was grow-up, full of such terror, that even the Shadow changed quickly his mind and he hurriedly retreated to the far corner of the room.
In another second the room was flooded by a yellow light, when the nanny run inside.
The relief was great, but the fear remained. Nanny´s presence nontheless broke the wall of horror and Marie started sobbing like Anastasia. Between heavy sobs and hopeless crying the girls described what happened.
Nanny took little Anastasia into her arms and sat near Marie to comfort them. She was saying something about a doctor and then a bad dream. And when the little Grand Duchess heard her strong, full voice, it really seemed they had been dreaming. And so she looked around.
No. Not a dream. There he was right by the window. And he moved.
„Oh no! He´s going to cousin Ella´s room! Poor princess Elizabeth!“
Was it her or was it Anastasia who had said that? She wasn´t sure. Her eyes blackened and with a heavy sight she fell on the pillow uncounscious.
„Thank you.“
Her voice was flat, but she managed to smile. Olga, who had just combed her hair, smiled too and carresed her little shoulder, as she got up in a search of a pale-blue ribbon she wanted to bound Maria´s hair with.
Marie looked out of the window. The rain was singing its wet and cold song and leaves on the trees glistened in a dim light of the sun hidden behind the thick clouds.
She was thinking about Ella.
Poor darling Ella. She died. And she wasn´t old. Only very old people are dying. Or not?
Olga returned without the ribbon. Her eyes were bright with joy.
„Papa´s here!“ she exclaimed and grabbed Maria´s hand.
Together they run and threw their hands around Nicolas, who was already in power of Tatiana and Anastasia. As soon as he bent down to his daughters, Marie wrapped her little arms around his neck and pressed her smooth face to his unshaven one.
„My darling angel, you´re burning up!“ he said worriedly, feeling the heat that radiated rfom her little fragile body.
„To bed with you,“ he added gently and took her in his arms.
„Papa?“ whispered the girl, eyes closed.
„Yes?“
„Promise me you´ll never die, please.“
„I can´t promise you that, sweetheart,“ smiled Nicolas sadly. „Everyone must die one day.“
„Even me?“
„Yes,“ he said after a while, his fingers brushing her damp hair away from her forehead. „But that will happen a long long time from now. I can promise you that.“
With those words he kissed her pale cheek and left the room. He asked the nanny to call doctor. And he also asked her to inform him about how was Mashenka doing.
An old wooden seesaw
Overgrown with ivy
Secretly hid one silken hair
A memory of a girl
That time swept aways
With all her dreams and desires
The gentle breeze kept her breath
And her name
Is yet to be engraved into the marble
Decorate it with a lily
And then think
What could she have been like
And if the stone
Will refuse to tell you
What she kept in the heart and how she wanted to live
Imagine a beautiful
Song about mercy
A clear stream where animals come to drink
In the grey pools
Love itself was bathing
And gave her hand to a red blossom
Coppery moon
Upon the white meadow
Siletly sang that last sentence:
Do you still play on the seesaw?
Or has the plank finally broken?
This poem belongs to Anna Antrim.
We girls, born as four but live as one, look curiously upon a world once familiar.
Where we used to walk through open fields.
But our souls have been taken captive.
Now all we can do is lie down and look up, listen as the wind calls, watch as the clouds gather.
The blue sky turns to black velvet as the storm settles upon our Kingdom.
And with our hearts and hands united we realize it is as God willed.
It was our destiny to love and say good-bye.